Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Just Quickly

Hi! I've been missing for ages, haven't I? My schedule is so whack-a-doodle these days, it's sometimes hard for me to keep up with the posts... although these lovely ladies have been keeping me company (anna and the ring, snippet and ink, the broke-ass-bride, $2000 wedding, a practical bride, and a surprise wedding to name but a few - how could I get by without them????). But I feel slightly guilty for reading them so voraciously, and yet being so lax in my own posting.

So here we go - just a quick one this morning, and then more to follow this afternoon or evening. I apologize in advance, as this one is not pretty (no visuals) and not light and fluffy and yummy. This is about something that's crunchy and sticks in my throat. And yes, I'm being figurative here. Basically, it's one of those really freaking annoying things that seem to pop up when one is planning a wedding. Now I am CERTAINLY not a stickler for etiquette. At least not "traditional" wedding etiquette (which is kind of a misnomer, as I'm discovering everybody has their own ideas about what "traditional" wedding etiquette means, and expects that everyone else to share their holy code. In fact, it varies a great deal from person to person, resulting in a shitstorm of conflict). In my view, as long as everyone is respectful, and adheres to normal, everyday etiquette, all is sunny. BUT. Get this. And tell me if I'm being crazy.

A friend of Matt's had RSVP'd for the reception. But NOT for the ceremony. I assumed this was an oversight on his part, and put him and his wife down as a yes for both. Then Matt made a comment about Alan (not his real name) saying to him that he wasn't coming to the ceremony because he didn't feel comfortable in a church. WHAT??? So I emailed Alan, to say, in a non-aggressive way, whats up? We just noticed you didn't RSVP for the ceremony - that was just an oversight, right? And he emails back something to the effect of "I haven't been to a wedding or to church in ages, what's the protocol" (okay, it was actually pretty much those exact words). Seriously?? What's the protocol?? Um, someone invites you to their WEDDING, so that you can see them get MARRIED. If you're uncomfortable with the venue, you either don't go at all (what is this "we're not coming to the ceremony but we'll eat your food and drink your booze afterwards" bullshit????) or you SUCK IT UP because they're your friends and you love them and want to share the moment with them! I was kind of at a loss for what to say in response, so I wrote something like "well, we're NOT having it in a church (it's insulting that I even have to say that - first because he knows us and knows we're not religious, and second because it shouldn't matter, and at this point I feel like I'm begging him to come, which I REALLY shouldn't have to do), and it's going to be really relaxed and low key. We don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with, but it would definitely be our preference to have you at the ceremony." Then he writes back one line "I'll talk to Elaine (also not her real name)."

What? WHAT?? Seriously, at this point I just want to tell him not to bother. Please tell me if I'm blowing this out of proportion. Although I have to say you'll have a reeeally hard time convincing me not to be deeply insulted and pissed off. Who DOES that??

ALSO, please please please, what do I say to him if he says he's not coming to the ceremony? He is a good friend of Matt's and they often work together, so we really can't do anything that would burn bridges. But I don't know that I can let it go....

I suppose that really wasn't so short. OR quick :) Thanks for listening...


  1. He is weird. I have no idea why you would say that. I don't believe in God but I have no problem attending a ceremony in a church. I love those hymns! Tell him to get a grip and suck it up!

  2. Well maybe no quite like that but you get the idea!

  3. Whoa. I thought some of my RSVP responses were annoying! How did this one turn out?

  4. ugh, STILL haven't heard back from him... i'm sure i'll be blogging about it when i do!!

  5. Sorry for the plethora of comments! (I SO love to use that word whenever it fits... LOL)

    I agree with you and your bloggy-friends- LAME. What does Matt think? I would probably voice my hurt feelings to Andrew and ask whether he felt comfortable talking to his friend about it. At the same time I'd wait probably about a week for an answer- that's definitely more than enough time.

    You are right- not cool to cop out of the ceremony- the reception is a celebration of your WEDDING, which includes the ceremony. People will be there who are happy that you got MARRIED. via ceremony.

    perhaps there is another reason that he feels embarrassed about?