Okay, so tomorrow I can get the 10-day forecast on weather.com. But apparently accuweather has a FIFTEEN day forecast, and according to THAT, it is going to rain on October 10. NO!! I'm not totally freaked out though, because, I mean, how accurate are weather forecasts even for the CURRENT day? Not very. So I'm holding out hope. But still.... a little nervous. Sheesh, after all my big talk about rain.....
In other news, my wonderful and loving bridesmaids threw me an awesome surprise bachelorette party on Saturday (which explains the picture above)! All I have to say is amazing food, cinnamon-mango cocktails, and then an 80's dance party with glowing accessories. Perfection :) I don't know how I got so lucky, but I sure do have some ridiculously great friends!
p.s. my shoes just got here!! and they fit perfectly!!
We bought our rings, custom made, on etsy (yay etsy!). We got them in the mail yesterday, and they're perfect!! Simple, pretty, and they fit! I highly recommend Laurie Sarah Designs - they were great to work with, super accommodating, and I am so psyched about the results!
I don't know why, but nothing has made this wedding feel more real, or made me more excited, than trying on our rings. Seriously, seeing Matt wearing a wedding ring just made me so giddy! I was caught off guard by how happy and giggly I got - and have been ever since :) It suddenly brought it all into focus for me - the heaps of unnecessary stress, worrying over details like labels and signs, all so insignificant in the face of what we're going to be doing in two weeks. It made me, for the first time, really and truly NOT CARE about the food, the booze, or the decorations. If it rains and no one shows up, if the pom-poms and garlands don't get finished, if there's no ice at the bar, I know I will not give a single crap. Because I'm going to be married to my best friend and that's enough, on it's own, to make me happy for a long long time - no perfect wedding required.
Holy crapsticks. Sixteen days left. You know, the thing that boggles my mind is not that I have a bunch of stuff still left to do for the wedding. No, what's stressing me out is not knowing how on earth I'm going to manage to do all that while still living my normal life. You know, where I have OTHER things to do as well. Non-wedding related things. Like finding a job. Like working on the three freelance projects I've been studiously ignoring. Like keeping my apartment clean and inhabitable. Ack!
Andy Sandberg as Cathy. ACK!!
Matt has been in Miami all week for work, and I had visions of him coming home to a beautiful, clean apartment, with a fully stocked fridge and a calm, collected fiancee. Looks like THAT'S not happening! And I think I'm making it worse by being annoyed with myself for not being able to fulfill that ideal. So I'm just spinning my wheels, making myself even more stressed.
If there's one thing you can say about me, it's that I'm not shy about putting it all out there, eh? But it's important, I think, to write about the messy, uncomfortable, STRESSFUL parts of wedding planning - or, more accurately, married life planning. Because that's what I really feel like I'm prepping for. I want our wedding to feel like the first day of our new life together. But it's such a big idea, I think I'm overwhelming myself with demands of perfection. It must be time to head over to A Practical Wedding, or $2000 Wedding. The voices of sanity in the wedding planning world :) And then I need a clean apartment, a bank account in the triple digits (that's not too much to ask, is it??), and a nice loooong vacation.
This post, from Sara at $2000 Wedding, about the benefits of NOT being the perfect host at your wedding got me thinking. I could see that as my real downfall - I tend to get anxious about keeping everyone happy when we have a party, and I can totally see myself worrying more about whether things are running according to schedule than actually experiencing the day. So today I am trying to let my inner control freak go, and figure out a way to delegate, delegate, delegate.
I've already foreseen this problem, to an extent. I pictured us, at the end of the ceremony, surrounded by loving friends and relatives, trying to hug us and congratulate us, and me being distracted by wondering if there's enough ice at the bar, or trying to figure out how to get people to move to the reception hall. So I asked two of my cousins (who are actually more like sisters) to be my "day-of coordinators." I trust them implicitly, we think the same way, and I know they won't resent me for asking! I've made sure that their duties will be as light as possible - in fact they probably won't have to do much at all, just the knowledge that they're there with their gettin-shit-done hats on will help me relax.
But at the end of the night... our venue is a Unitarian Church, and they need the decorations taken down before Sunday morning. They have their own cleaning crew and all, but we need to remove the bunting, pom-poms, garlands, string lights, centerpieces, balloons, and photobooth before we leave the place. Originally I was planning to divide the jobs up, and give them out to willing family. One thing per person, so it wouldn't be overwhelming. But then I started writing it out, and it felt like a lot to ask my uncles and aunts and cousins to take half an hour in the middle of festivities (the reception is from 5-10, and then the afterparty will immediately follow at the hotel) to pull down decorations. So I'm thinking about asking my little brother (who's a senior in high school) if he has any (responsible!) friends who want to make a few bucks by taking them all down for us. What do you think? I think it's genius :)
So that's what's on my mind today, 17 days before the wedding. The actual nuts and bolts of the day, how it will flow, who will do what, and how do I make sure I am fully present and centered, without putting too much of a burden on my loved ones.
I'm finding it hard not to feel sorry for myself right now. I found out today that two, and potentially three of my favorite family members aren't coming to the wedding. I didn't think it would upset me so much to have people decline the invitation, but it does make me sad :(
Another reason to elope - you don't have to feel disappointed when people can't make it!
Our apartment right now? Not so pretty. Dirty dishes in the sink. Clean laundry waiting to be folded and put away. Pile of dirty laundry threatening to mingle with clean laundry. Kitchen table covered in wedding to-do lists and in-progress artwork. A layer of dust on, um, everything. Me? Not so pretty. Hair that hasn't been washed in so long it is standing on end. Frumpy bathrobe, granny panties and holey sweats. These shoes? PRETTY. These little pieces of awesome are all via ModCloth - I feel like I've been living under a rock or something, because there is no other way I could have missed this store!! Seriously, I don't want to sound like I'm advertising for them, but if you haven't already, you need to check them out. Not just shoes, dresses, pants, tops... the whole kit and kaboodle. LOVE!!
Sheesh. Nineteen days. And my calm cool exterior is beginning to show some cracks! I had my first anxiety dream about the wedding last night. I dreamed that right before the ceremony, my dress ripped, and my sister and I were frantically going through her closet to try and find a suitable alternative. I remember that horrible feeling of having people waiting for me, while I realize I'm nowhere NEAR ready for them, and that weird dream feeling of everything slowing down, just as you're trying so desperately to speed up. I woke up feeling like a basket case!!
In real life, I suppose what's happening is that it's dawning on me how very very close the wedding is, and how many more details we have to take care of. I know, really, that it will all be fine, that I have enough time, that we've worked out our schedule so that everything will get done. But it's really like something has clicked - that holy-crap-I-only-have-two-weekends-between-now-and-the-wedding-and-holy-moses-I-can't-put-anything-off-anymore-yikes-yikes-yikes!! feeling. You know that feeling?
AAAAnyway......... I also need some part time employment. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?? Artist/Illustrator/Nanny/Errand girl for hire!!
Thats all for now.... I promise to be better this week and get back to regular posting. With pretty pictures and everything!!
Oh, and what do you think of these shoes? The battle between flats and heels is still raging. I need to come to a resolution soon!!
I was so sad to hear about Patrick Swayze yesterday. And in perusing some of the deluge of Swayze pictures, articles, and quotes this morning, I came across this little gem from the man himself. About his marriage, he said (among other great things):
"arguments are okay as long as it's not about your ego, but it's about a mutual goal – trying to create something special."
Love it. His 30+ year marriage really is a testament to what a good man he was. May we all be so blessed, and so smart about what it takes to make a marriage work.
Okay. So my beautiful bridesmaids will be wearing yellow dresses of their own choosing. In an effort to avoid dictating wardrobe decisions, I asked them to just get "colorful" shoes. They, very obligingly, all got either pink or teal/blue shoes. Aren't they the sweetest? I, on the other hand, still have no shoes. I want yellow. I didn't think about the fact that this is fall, and yellow is not a fall color, and it is freaking impossible to find yellow shoes in the stores right now. So I am relegated to internet shopping. Here's what I've come up with......
Now, I'm not a heels kind of girl, but I love both of these.... Matt is not the tallest guy though, and I'd like to not be as tall as him - maybe that's shallow, but hey. Sometimes a girl's allowed to be shallow! Oh, and I haven't credited these because some of them are etsy or vintage one-of-a-kind type deals, and I don't want them to get snatched up!
Can I just say, I have heard a lot of lamentation about the end-of-summer, but personally, I am in love with this crisp autumn air we've been experiencing lately. And I'm SO happy that we chose to get married in the fall, because it really is my favorite time of year. The colors of the trees, the cold-but-not-too-cold air, the snuggly sweaters, the apple cider, the holidays (halloween! thanksgiving!!) - what's not to love?
We're officially less than one month from the wedding. I know I should have lots to say, but I'm sort of at a loss. APW's posting about f*ck-it moments is really resonating with me today. There are a bunch of little details to take care of, and sure some are vital details (um, hello wedding rings!), but I feel good. I feel like we've got this. And now I'm just really really looking forward to it. And to after!
Speaking of APW resonating with me, Meg quoted this wise and wonderful lady today, and it describes my mood to a T: "You get to a point where there's not much you can do but put on your fancy party dress, a pair of fabulous shoes and grab a bottle of cheap champagne to swig with your girls on the way to meet your groom." - Cyd
Tonight I am going down to my parents place. I'm going to spend some quality time with my sister aka best friend in the whole world. On Saturday I'm traveling with one of my oldest and dearest friends and her wonderful husband to the wedding reception of another old and dear friend who got married last weekend in Canada. On Sunday my Mattie will be joining me at my parents place, and on Monday we're off to get our marriage license! After which we'll be going to Honey's for lunch with my sis and another great friend to celebrate. Yay and Yum!!
Look for a post tomorrow, all about yellow shoes!!
So as all my millions of ideas have percolated down into the ultimate vision of our wedding, I though I would share some that made the final cut.
Centerpieces: I posted this image a few months ago, and for whatever reason, it stuck with me. It's just so simple, but so elegant and romantic and calm. Matt and I started saving our used glass jars, in order to make this element a little greener. Now my parents, my sister, and some of our family friends are saving theirs as well! I love the idea that all these people we love are going to contribute something from their everyday lives to our wedding tables.
Our ceremony is going to be outside, in a little clearing called The Bell Garden. I saw this next image about six months ago, right after we got engaged, and it's a large part of why I was so gung-ho about getting married outdoors. One of my favorite things about this wedding (which is also one of my favorite weddings) is the cranes they had hanging behind them during the ceremony.
"Cranes have always occupied a special place in Asian history and culture. Cranes are considered auspicious and symbolize longevity & good health. It is believed that cranes mate for life and both male & female work together to build their nest. Thus, cranes may be the perfect symbol for your wedding. They say that if you fold 1000 paper cranes, then your heart’s desire will come true"(source).
This couple had friends and family fold as many cranes as they could in the months leading up to the wedding. They then collected them, and used them to decorate their ceremony and reception sites. Don't you love it? Matt and I decided early on that we wanted to do this... only we haven't QUITE gotten around to sending paper out to anyone. EEK! This is now moving to the top of my to-do list....
And finally (for now) here is my own version of an inspiration board - everything on here is (hopefully) going to be incorporated in some way:
(from top left) The first two pictures are from this amazing wedding, posted on snippet and ink a while back. The theme was sunshine! Too awesome. The next picture is from yet another awesome yellow wedding, via once wed, via one love photography. My super talented cousin is making us flag garlands, just like in the picture, only with lots of different colors - like a quilt!! The blue and yellow bird garland is from redbird crafts - I am making something similar myself. The print is from Freya's etsy shop (really, check it out). I'm ashamed to say that I can't remember where the pom-pom picture came from (if you know, please tell me so I can link it!) but I'm really feeling them in yellow and white. So festive! The happy balloon pictures are via jerry yoon photography. And the sunflowers are, well, sunflowers :)
That's enough for now... there are more plans in the works, but this post is getting too long! More later - including our invitations!
We have 37 days until the wedding, and while things are - for the most part - under control, I can't help but feel overwhelmed sometimes but the number of little things left to organize. I just try to keep breathing, and remember that I'm not going to get it all done in a day, and trust that Matt and I are smart and capable, and that it will all be fine. Breathe.
My sister, my mother and my bridesmaids threw me a wedding shower this past Sunday. It was a total blast! I will say, though, that I felt very out of sorts during and after the party. Not in a bad way, I'm just not very comfortable being the center of so much attention, and I was totally exhausted by it! It felt a bit strange, having all those women go out of their way to come to a party in my honor, and give me gifts, for no other reason than that I am getting married. I felt humbled and giddy and overstimulated and loved. I had a hard time accepting all that generosity, because I felt like I hadn't done anything to deserve it. And maybe that's just a deeper personal issue being brought to light (in fact, I know it is - aren't you all so lucky? You get to be my therapists now!), but it's got me a tad nervous about the actual wedding. I'm slightly afraid that I will feel so overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of people looking at me, doing things for me, loving me, that I won't be able to get grounded and fully experience the ceremony. Matt points out, very wisely, that on the wedding day he and I will actually be sharing the attention, so it won't be all on me the way it was at the shower, and he's right. But still. I get so overstimulated and giddy when I'm around a critical mass of people whom I love.
I suppose I will just have to continue my current strategy of breathing and trusting. Breathe!
And now, my big reveal - yes this is me, wearing my very fashionable shower hat. I figured, the ribbons obscure my face enough that it's only a partial reveal :) Don't ask why I'm playing the tiny guitar. Just don't.