Wednesday, November 4, 2009

tune in tokyo

Or Mexico, which is where I've been for the last week :)

Ack! I have been away for so long! Every time I sit down to write, I'm completely overwhelmed and end up bailing. Where to start? And even more than that, the idea of GOING BACK - to the stress, the uncertainty - is kind of exhausting. Of course, the days and weeks leading up to "the big day" (a term I happen to loathe) were not ALL stress and uncertainty. There was a whole whopping load of excitement, love, and giddiness. But all that is somewhat inextricably linked to the nervousness.

But. I suppose the best thing to do is start at the beginning. The beginning being where I left you last.

Leading up to the final week, there were some minor break-downs, some drama, and lots of introspection. I suffered from occasional bouts of cold feet - not, you understand, because I doubted the rightness of the decision, but the sheer SIZE of the decision sometimes gave me cold sweats. And on top of that, I had this enormous party to worry about. Would our plain-jane reception hall be made pretty enough with the decorations I and my cousin had slaved over? Would the vendors all have their shit together? Would everyone show up, be healthy, and have a good time? Would the food stink? WOULD EVERYTHING GET DONE IN TIME??? I hardly need to list the reasons I was stressed - anyone who has or is planning a wedding knows them all too well. Suffice to say, I was a ball of nerves.

At the one week mark, however, I finally had my real and complete moment of letting go. Worrying about whether all my bridesmaids would get along? Pssh. Not my problem. All the little things, just clearly revealed themselves for what they were: completely unimportant. I really, really, REALLY just wanted to be present for all the festivities, and I really, really, REALLY didn't want to be so freaked about the party going smoothly that I was a bitchy irritable witch to my husband the week of our wedding. So my mantra became "it's none of my business what other people think of me" - thanks apw :) And it worked. I let go. And guess what? As I had read time and time again on the blogs of my like-minded brides, IT WAS EXACTLY RIGHT.

I had underestimated the power of that day - and specifically, of the ceremony. I had thought of it as a formality we were going through. Granted, a super romantic formality, but I was completely unprepared for the power of the ritual. It was huge and overwhelming and uplifting. Everything fell away, and all that mattered was my husband and this promise we were making to each other, and all the love we felt from our families and friends felt like it was carrying us along. I felt buoyant and utterly peaceful. I can't overstate how incredible it felt.

So tomorrow, if I can continue on this streak (I've been so good this week! I re-organized my file cabinets, shredded all my old paperwork, caught up on bill, made calls I've been dreading! It's like I'm spring-cleaning my life!), I will start with more of a blow-by-blow account of the day.

But here's a bit of a teaser: for our procession, since we got married outside, we had everyone line the path from the church to the garden, and then Matt and I walked, together, past everyone. As we passed people, the fell in behind us, so that all the people we love were in the procession with us. It was my mother's idea, and I have to say, it's by far one of the best things we did. Walking down that pathway to the sound of Matt's brother and cousin playing "All You Need Is Love," seeing all those smiling faces, many of them singing along? A totally indescribable feeling.

Some shots of the procession:

That last one shows everyone going into the garden - and you can see my beautiful bridesmaids in their yellow and blue! And the yellow and blue balloons my AMAZING impromptu day-of coordinators bought and set up that morning. More on them later!!

And so I bid you adieu for now - back for more tomorrow!


  1. ok i really love that procession idea!! something about the thought of a traditional walk down the aisle makes me want to hide.

  2. i am totally watching this series of posts.